Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Regrets

Today I was going through some boxes from our storage locker and found some things that reminded me of a friend I used to have. In fact, we used to be very best friends for quite a few years. It's amazing how things can change over the course of only months.

A lot of things happened and we drifted apart until I just started feeling like I didn't mean anything to her anymore. I don't know now if it was true or if it was just my insecurities surfacing, but the fact of the matter is that I cut off communication with her and she didn't really seem to notice for a long time. I took that to be a sign that I'd done the right thing.

But when I was going through the boxes today, I came across letters and cards and notes she'd written to me for birthdays, Christmas, and just for the heck of it. And the person who wrote them didn't sound selfish and ungrateful of my love. She sounded deeply affectionate and grateful for our amazing friendship. Maybe we had one and maybe we didn't. And maybe the regret I'm feeling now is over something that was real, or maybe I'm just getting reminiscent about something that only ever existed in my mind.

The fact of the matter is that I miss her, or at least the friendship I thought we used to have. Someone once told me that we rarely regret the things we do, but we often regret the things we don't. I do regret not calling her. I regret not reaching out and just telling her how I felt, instead of totally cutting her off. I regret turning the other way when I'd see her brother at the supermarket because I just didn't want to have to think about her.

It's been about 6 years since I spoke to her. I don't know where she is now, but I know where her family is. If I wanted to reconnect, the only thing I could do is give her mother a call. Maybe I will.

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