Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Giddy teenaged-style emotions

I never thought I would say this about this particular situation...

I got the girl!

It was a process that took a while, but it paid off. Back in March you may recall that I posted about being in love. She's my friend's cousin, and I hardly knew her a year ago. But she's wonderful and sweet and (if I may say so) awfully easy on the eyes. It was largely because of those things that I thought it was unlikely that we'd ever feel the same way about each other, and so it took forever for me to get up the guts to say anything. It didn't help that she's really religious and the idea of being in a relationship with another girl is usually quite challenging for a Christian girl...

It was Canada Day (July 1st, for those who don't know) when I finally worked up the courage to hint at how I felt, and then the next day I had her and her cousin over for "lupper" (mid-afternoon meal) and laid it all out. I still don't know where the courage came from, because I was terrified, particularly because I have never been the one to express interest first, especially not to a girl (this is still only a few years old to me). She was very gracious and flattered, but she told me she did not see herself being in a relationship with me. I sort of just thanked her for her honesty and carried on being good friends with her.

It wasn't until nearer to August that the two of us began having these really brutally honest conversations about what we wanted in life and I started to realize that her primary problem with being in a relationship with me wasn't the "me" part, but rather the fact that I'm a girl. So finally, after weeks of her telling me it wasn't an option, she came over for dinner one night in August and we had the conversation that ended in us deciding to give it a try. It was a beautiful night. We curled up on my couch, her head on my chest as she just fell asleep in my arms. I simply didn't want to wake her up to put her in a proper bed, but I did, and then we slept.

Since then, it's been slightly turbulent on account of the fact that we don't know what the hell we're doing! But the common thread through every moment of our interaction is this tremendous affection and respect we have for one another. It's really beautiful, and somehow (perhaps because it began that way and presumably will end that way, if at all) we've managed to be completely honest throughout our relationship, even about things we'd really rather not have to talk about. It's really beautiful.

I'm not sure how it's going to turn out, but I know that for the time being, I'm happy. Really, really happy.

I got the girl!

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Keeping busy

That's what I've been doing! School has been so busy that "hectic" is a better word for how I've been feeling, but at the same time, it's keeping me (mostly) out of trouble, which isn't usually a bad thing!

I've recently gotten into making art, thanks to one of my new favourite people (we joke that she's my future wife). She's artistic and lovely and she's taught me how to make my horribly disorganized creative thoughts into things that are at least modestly pretty. I'm a work in progress, but learning is a nice process to be in the middle of.

Illuminate is apparently looking for poetry and photography, if anyone is interested in pitching in. I'll be helping out, so you know it's the cool thing to do! haha :)

Where on earth does the time go?

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Cyanide

I sweated acid.
Down my brow it carved a path
And settled on the chin.
I wept cyanide,
Provoked by illegal plays,
And it poisoned my very soul.
Jagged fingernails
Tore at the roughest skin,
Left it raw, bleeding, incomplete.
Far too much blood
Seeped from beneath my defenses
And chased away the poison.